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Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship by Kayleen Schaefer

textmewhenyougethomeText Me When You Get Home‘s title is based off of how lady friends will often end an in person hang out by telling each other to “text me when you get home,” like a subtle “I love you” and acknowledgment of the potential for danger that lurks beneath any women’s experience moving from one place to another. As someone who does this regularly with my friends, I LOVED the premise of this book (anecdote: I also paid more attention to how my friends reacted to me saying this at the conclusion of our hangs while reading: women always responded positively, straight + cis men literally guffawed at the thought [unless they were related to me], men who weren’t straight or cis reacted less strongly than women, but still positively). Despite loving the premise of this book, I felt like something was missing from these essays detailing the histories of female friendships, how they currently exist, and what influences them. 

I’ve been paying attention to how this subject matter is covered for a while, so I was thrilled to see a formal gathering of everything related to girls’ and women’s friendships. Text Me When You Get Home compiles existing thoughts and dissects them further, but there are some important pieces missing. I felt like there should’ve been a better historical dive (such as exploring Victorian lady friendships in more depth than the brief description within the conclusion) or that there had been further explanation of how friendships did exist before the 1950s ideal of romantic marriages took over instead of detailing one example of letters between Julia Child and Avis DeVoto. I would have also liked more emphasis on how the rise of dating culture had an inverse effect on women’s friendships with each other. This piece is brushed upon a fair amount, but if there had been discussion about how these friendships HAD existed and then disappeared, it would have made this book a little stronger.
I was familiar with most of the media examples explored (except for the film Girls Trip, which I promptly watched on a flight after reading this book; do recommend!), so there wasn’t a lot of new information for me. This is probably why I found the book a bit disappointing because I’ve read similar thoughts expounded upon before. However, if this is your first time exploring the topic of lady friendships or you have found yourself newly enjoying your lady friends after casting off their potential previously, this is a great book for you. If you’ve been embracing the many wonders of close lady friendships for some time and recognize the special and multitude roles they fulfill in your life and love reading about lady friendships, both real and depicted in media, this might feel a lil redundant and late to the party. 
Kayleen Schaefer, the author, used to work on staff at magazines, and she describes her initial condemnation of superficial women’s magazines (and acknowledges this), but this felt a little odd to me. Her previous self thought it was trivial to read or write about things like women’s hair management, etc., despite writing about the same topics for a (now defunct) men’s magazine. Unfortunately, Schaefer doesn’t ever really assert that caring about these topics, from either a women’s or men’s perspective, shouldn’t be frowned upon and that maybe she’s still viewing topics of worth through a male lens. She does combats this slightly, but it felt like walking through molasses to get there: “I was undermining and dismissing my sex by not seeing us as complex people who shouldn’t have to conform to anyone’s standard of what’s cool or not,”  (p. 108; from Advance Reader’s Copy and may not be how this is worded in the published version).

What I liked best in Text Me When You Get Home were other people’s quotes (Judy Bloom, etc.), so I almost felt like this would’ve worked better as a colorful coffee table book with selected quotes from interviews conducted by the author about friendship on bright pages instead.

To reiterate, I do think this will be a good read for someone who is a novice in exploring lady friendships. If you’ve already been wading in the waters for a bit (literarily and with your own relations), it might be worth passing on this and finding a good long read instead. I read a really nice long read on the history of victorian friendships and the intimate letters that women used to write to each other, sharing a special closeness to their best lady friends that they didn’t with their husbands, but unfortunately I cannot find it anywhere. I did manage to find a nice long read by Megan Garber on depictions of female friendships in the media that I had shared among my friends when I first read it and now I share it with you.

Disclaimer: I was provided with a digital copy of this book for free from Dutton via NetGalley. All opinions expressed in the review are my own and have not been influenced by Dutton or NetGalley.

Publication Date: 6 February 2018 by DuttonFormat: E-book ARC.

Author: Kayleen Schaefer web/@twitter/@instagram

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Mini Review: salt. by Nayyirah Waheed

saltWhat a way to start 2017! I began embracing and newly appreciating poetry in 2016 which led me to Salt. I’ve been following the poet (Nayyirah Waheed) on Instagram for a bit where she regularly posts poems from salt. A lot of my favorite poems have been featured on her Instagram feed, but there are a ton of hidden treasures within the book that you won’t find by simply following Waheed.

I’ve included one of my favorite poems below that I’ve returned to repeatedly and shared with friends when I’ve felt like they needed it too.

 

in our own ways
we all break.
it is okay
to hold your heart outside of your body
for
days.
months.
years.
at a time.

– heal

The Lonely City Book Event at Community Bookstore

I’ve had my head so up in the clouds lately that I completely forgot to post about attending a lovely book event a few weeks ago. On March 15, 2016, I went to a book event + signing for Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone at Community Bookstore in Brooklyn, NY.  A small group of my friends had decided that this would be our next book club read after A Little Life (book review coming soon! I’m actually going to a book event featuring that author of that work tomorrow evening…) and I coincidentally found that a book event was being hosted in our borough in the next few days! Talk about perfect timing!

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Author Olivia Laing reading an excerpt from her new book The Lonely City to a packed house at Community Bookstore.

Laing began her event by discussing the research she put into her book, which is a blend of mostly nonfiction with a brush of memoir. Laing describes the lives of (mostly visual) artists and their surrounding loneliness, regardless of the number of people they had in their lives. After moving to New York and finding herself without attachments, Laing occupied herself by exploring her own loneliness and the loneliness of different artists through 2 years of research into their lives and their art.laingreading

In her previous work The Trip to Echo Spring, she intertwined alcoholism with the lives of authors. At the event, Laing mentioned that she could’ve tied the lives of authors with the concept of loneliness too, but that she felt like urban loneliness was very visual.
When describing urban loneliness, which Laing also experienced when living in New York, she said something along the lines of (aka this is not a direct quote):

There’s an experience of being in a city where you can see much more than you can reach. You can see many people, but you can’t connect with them. You feel isolated and agonizingly exposed. They run parallel and intensify each other.

I think the idea that Laing articulated is something that anyone who has ever been in an urban setting has experienced: the feeling of being physically surrounded by other living beings, but being disconnected from social or emotional links to others. As Laing quite concisely added,

Loneliness isn’t a lack of people, it’s a lack of intimacy.

I’m very much looking forward to diving into The Lonely City soon and you can bet it will be added to my #findabook rotation and hopefully be discovered by a lonely wanderer.

Side note: I had never been to this bookstore before and I will be returning soon! Community Bookstore had the BEST kids + YA section I’ve seen in a New York bookstore. I’ve tried to find some specific titles at many bookstores in the area and Community Bookstore had more on the shelf than I’ve seen elsewhere!

Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow

sickintheheadI acquired Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow in an incredible deal from Greenlight Bookstore where I was allowed to buy slightly damaged hardcover books for $5 each! This unprecedented deal caused me to overzealously purchase many books that I normally wouldn’t have and subsequently allowed me to spend some time getting to know comedy extraordinaire Judd Apatow. 

This book isn’t a memoir — I had mistakenly assumed the book would be to match the style of the slew of comedy books that have been published in the past few years. The full title of the book, which, again, I picked up on a whim, reinforced my mistake: Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy. Instead of being internal conversations between Judd and himself, this book consists of many interviews with people who dabble or fully embrace comedy. Each chapter consists of a transcript of Apatow interviewing a famous person — the topics vary dramatically from person to person as do the circumstances surrounding the conversations. Apatow first began interviewing comedians for his high school radio show in the 1980s and some of those original transcripts appear within the book, as do more recent interviews Apatow conducted specifically for the book and interviews Apatow either conducted or was the subject of for other publications or projects.

If you’re looking to read a history of stand up comedy, you’ll find that in Sick in the Head. If you enjoy comedians, but are less interested in their actual craft, you can also find that in the book by picking and choosing what interviews to read, as I did. Apatow briefly introduces each of his subjects to the reader to provide context for who they are within the comedy world and his own life which would help me to determine which interviews I should actually digest. That said, I probably only skipped 5 of 30+ interviews.

As with most deep conversations with comedians, interviewees often delved into discussions about their upbringings and childhoods which led me to also be reflective on my own circumstances. At times, the interviews almost felt like a print version of the WTF with Marc Maron podcast (the book has a transcript of Apatow’s appearance on that podcast too!). After the first interview, the subsequent interviews are sorted into alphabetical order by first name. My handpicked favorite interviews featured Amy Schumer, Chris Rock, a Freaks and Geeks Oral History, Jeff Garlin, Louis C. K., Marc Maron, Michal Che, Roseanne Barr, and Steve Martin. I enjoyed the Steve Matin interview which closes out the book so much that I scooped up and quickly devoured his novella Shopgirl, which I’ll be reviewing on the blog soon.

I recommend this book to anyone vaguely interested in comedy + entertainment and especially to those who want to dive into comedy, but don’t have access to the comedy sphere because of their geographic location or available resources.

Publication date: 16 June 2015 by Random House. All profits donated to 826 National, a nonprofit which provides tutoring and writing workshops to under-resourced students.

Author: Judd Apatow @twitter/instagram

2016 Book Goals

I originally started this blog to keep me accountable for reading 52 books in 2015 (aka a book a week). It took me until the very last day of 2015 to accomplish that goal, but I can now say that I did it! Woohoo! Very proud of myself!

In order to tackle that goal, I had to place some of my other media consumption on pause. I’m over a month behind on the podcasts that I subscribe to (check out this post for 10 recommended podcasts) and I have a pile of magazines that I need to catch up on as well.

For 2016, I am halving 2015’s goal to 26 books. I’ve decided to do this because I want to:

  • spend my free time consuming more than just books,
  • be able to dive into *HUGE* books like A Little Life and Infinite Jest instead of being deterred from them because they won’t make a dent in my reading goals despite taking up a hefty chunk of my time,
  • and write reviews for at least 26 books in 2016 (even though I read 52 books in 2015, I didn’t have time to write reviews for all of them).

For a full list of the books I read in 2015, you can check out this page on my blog or this list on Goodreads. In the coming weeks, I’ll likely put together some recommendations for books based on my previous reviews and post extended reviews of the books I finished in December 2015, but haven’t posted about on the blog yet. I’ve already jumped into 2016’s reading pool by finishing We Should All be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (thank you for sending it to me, Amy!) and starting the graphic novel Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel which my partner gave me for Christmas.

& That’s a wrap on my bookish 2015 and a peek into my 2016. Thank you for following me on my reading journey.

#findabook and autumn round up!

Long time, no post! As I mentioned in my last post, I took a much needed hiatus to focus on studying for a major test. Now that I’ve taken the test, I need to shift my energy to writing applications related to that test which means I still don’t have as much time as usual to be reading books and reviewing them for my blog.

Amy's #findabook

When I’m not burrowing my head in application land, I’ve begun circulating a side project that I developed for the blog called #findabook. In order to eliminate clutter from my life, I’ve decided to put books I own in public places to share them with strangers and friends. In order to kickstart the project, I’ve sent a few books to friends via mail (fellow book blogger Amy was sent Bright Lines; my pal Shelly in D.C. was sent Fun Home; my longtime friend Lisa in Austin was sent Brain on Fire; my coworker Loulou was given Americanah) and left a few in public spaces (The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-timeGone Girl, and The Martian). If you find one, please leave a comment and let me know what city you found it in and your name and be sure to pass along the book to someone new when you’re done! Speaking of projects, I’ll also be launching a podcast soon, but more on that later…

I’m still roughly on track to finish 52 books in 52 weeks, aka the motivation that led me to create this blog initially, and I hope the coziness of fall encourages me to spend some more time reading. I’m currently toggling between two books for two different book clubs. I’m listening to My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante and should have a review of that up in November and am reading 200 pages a month of Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace for a book club I’m leading. I’m thinking that I’ll post reviews of each of the 200 page chunks since it’s such an undertaking! Have any of you finished or attempted to finish this book before? I’m finding that the shared responsibility of tackling it for my book club has really motivated me through it. Feel free to join me digitally by completing the first chunk by early November or reading the first 400 pages by early December! If you’re joining, let me know and we can have an online discussion about what we’ve read so far!

During my absence, I was also tagged in some fun book blog related things (thank you Amy, Maryan, Chloe, and Alyssa!) that I’ll get to when I’ve officially left application land. I hope you’ve all had swell falls and have been able to cozy up to more books than I’ve had the chance to!

july round up

Here’s a round up of everything that I’ve acquired and posted about during the month of July! I spent my first weekend exploring America’s capital, Washington, DC, for America’s Independence Holiday (July 4th), the second weekend attending Random House’s Off the Page event in Hudson, NY, the third weekend listening to music for days at Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago, IL, the fourth weekend enjoying the sidewalk book sale at Greenlight bookstore, my favorite local bookstore, and the last Friday/first weekend of August at my friend’s beach house in the Hamptons! I’m very lucky to have such exciting summer experiences and even luckier to have such amazing friends to share these experiences with!

Because of all of the fun I’ve been having, it’s been harder to keep up with blogging at the same rate I’ve been reading. All of the traveling and weekends away mean I’ve been able to read a lot (yay!) but I don’t typically travel with my computer in order to spend more face-to-face time with my friends (yay! for friendship but boo! for my blog).

A sampling of books that I’ve finished recently and have yet to blog about include: The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer, Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews, and Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. Hopefully I get my act together and post blogs about these books soon!

I also have some exciting new projects coming to the blog including a conversation about a one of the books above with fellow book blogger Amy at The Literature Life and a cool book swap/share idea that I hope becomes successful! Both of these projects will be posted here when they’ve been fleshed out a bit more!

Book Haul

July’s book haul comes entirely from Greenlight bookstore‘s summer sidewalk sale where I got each of these hardback, gently used books for $5!!!! What a steal!! Which should I read first?

summersidewalksale

The books include: The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, Shrinks: The Untold Story of Psychiatry by Jeffrey Lieberman, Not Fade Away by Rebecca Alexander, Gumption by Nick Offerman, and Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow.

Book Reviews

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Posted book reviews include: Modern Romance by Aziz AnsariBeyond Belief by Jenna Miscavige HillThe Circle by Dave Eggers, and Bright Lines by Tanwi Nandini Islam (which was technically published between the end of July and this post…). Of these, I definitely recommend Bright Lines the most! Check it out!

Thanks for reading my round up 🙂 I hope your July was also snazzy!